I know…. it’s been too long without a blog. I’m sorry! Life has continued to get the best of me lately.
Now I know I usually come on here & tell y’all about something that happened & then throw some advice out there. But tonight, I don’t have any advice. I am not quite sure how to advise myself on this one… so instead, I’m just going to vent. I hope that’s okay..
Lately I have been questioning everything I do & feel. Which isn’t like me at all.. I am always the strong one. The one people come to for advice. I am everyone’s rock. But I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe.. it’s time to be my own rock. Someone once told me…
“Don’t light yourself on fire just to keep others warm.”
That hit me. Hard.
I feel everything lately. Happiness, sadness, frustration, worthlessness, anger, resentment…. you name it. But the one thing I noticed.. the one thing I’ve been doing out of the ordinary.. is letting people in.
I dropped my guard, the one thing I spent so many years perfectly crafting. The one thing no one would ever be able to break down. But what I didn’t realize was that no one had to break it down because I had gotten caught up in life & let it fall. I let it crumble at my feet.
I have let my anxiety hit override & it kind of took over for a minute. If you have anxiety for literally any reason, you can attest to how hard this is to admit. Let alone get a handle on it!
Now, for the friends that have noticed I haven’t been myself lately.. thank you. Thank you for the morning pep talks. Thank you for telling me it was going to be okay. Thank you for letting me know that it’s not a bad thing to feel everything so deeply… thank you.
I do, I feel everything. I always have. I’ve just always been able to tuck it away & not show it. But this last few weeks have really shown me.. well, me. The me I’ve been pushing down in the depths so I didn’t have to deal with it. & it’s time I face that. It’s who I am. & that’s not something I should ever want to change. I love who I have become and how far I have came… now there’s just more for me to learn & love about myself. If you can’t be apart of my journey, well there’s the door.
My only goal in this life is to be happy. That’s all I really want. I don’t want money, or a huge house, or a luxury car…. I just want to be happy. I could live in a shack & as long as I had my dog & horse, some coffee…. I’d be as happy as a clam. (Never understood that saying) Regardless of, happiness is what I want more then anything.
I was so embarrassed to write this blog… & so scared of the feedback I’ll get. But I know so many of you look forward to my blogs & my advice.. that maybe this is a good change. Maybe someone can give me some advice of how they handled a similar situation! My comments are always open for yall💕
This blog in its entirety is made purely so we can all feel safe & like we aren’t alone in this f**ked up world. Let’s keep it that way.
I am done apologizing for when something upsets me. Will I apologize if my reaction is anything short of kind? Of course, but I refuse to apologize for being me. That is something I will embrace with all of my being. Even if that is only 5’2″ of me… I’m doing it!
There’s been a lot of saddness in the world lately, & I don’t want to be sad! So instead of being upset about how off the track I have let myself get. I am going to embrace it full force. No point in being sad about something you can’t change, right?
I Am me. I am 22 years old with a soul not meant for this millennial. I love everything and nothing all at once. I am an animal lover. I love photographs & old clothes. I love nice makeup and hair almost as much as love dirt and sweaty baseball caps. I’m not perfect. I love my friends & family. Hell, I love strangers. This world is too cruel to be cruel to yourself I reckon… I Am Who I Am… take it or leave it. That’s all I have to offer.