Almost Feelings 

Hello again. I’m bad at this whole blogging often thing. I’ll keep doing my best though! 
I really haven’t had anything to write about lately. Or motivation to write I should say. I’ve had writers block, weird considering I’m just a blogger. Anyways let’s get into tonight’s topic! 

I am going to let my feelings take this blog over. I don’t like wearing my heart on my sleeve but I am going too. Maybe others can see they aren’t alone in these feelings… who knows. 

So lately I have been thinking a lot about relationships & how they work nowadays. Or how they don’t work I should say. 
I have so many friends come to me & ask for advice on what to do or what this or that means. & usually I can be of some assistance…. but currently I am the one at a loss. I have hit my “wtf” limit when it comes to this topic. 

They don’t work for many reasons nowadays. 

Either school is too much to handle. The temptation is too much for some. Others aren’t ready for the commitment of having to not only respect themselves or others… etc etc. But what happens when the problem is something that shouldn’t be a problem.. like you’re just plain scared? 

I have had my fair share of let downs in the relationship department. I have tried & tried & and nothing really seems to work out in the long run. 

If I said I wasn’t afraid to get hurt or let down again, I would be lying. Because I am scared of that. Terrified actually. But I am also realistic in the fact that it is going to happen again. Until someone comes along who can put your feelings above their own & include you in their daily thoughts & decisions… it’s going to happen. 

I was born & raised “country”( I hate that term but I’m not sure else how to put it). I grew up riding horses & around cattle. We made & ate mud pies as kids & played in cow crap filled creeks. It’s a life style I wouldn’t change for the world. 
But what happens when the person you want is completely different from you? Like totally different. When it comes to lifestyles you’re polar frickin opposites. To me, that’s scary. I am terrified of having to possibly give up the lifestyle I love & cherish so much. But if the relationship was perfect except for that.. the person would be a fool to not go for it… right??? 

I’m tough. & I know I am. Physically, that is. I can take a hit & stand back up. & get bucked off my horse & get back on. Because I have too. It’s all I know & have ever known. 

But the past year I have noticed that my weakest area… is my heart. I feel everything so deeply & when I finally let someone in… I do at some point get let down. Whether it is me over thinking something they did or said. Or them actually having hurt my feelings.. it happens.

I’m a girl. & sometimes I forget that. I mean come on… of all careers I picked selling parts for farming equipment. But I still have the emotions of a female & I can never change that. 

When I care about someone I really care. & that scares me more then the person leaving does! Which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me either, don’t worry. & usually that is where I need my reassurance. 

I guess lately I just have felt like something good was going to happen, yet…… I get left on “read”. 

Seems to be how things go though. Kids our age find something better to occupy their time & they lose interest. But it is what it is. 

So I am just going to keep my head up & take it day by day. Focus on myself & if they wanted to devote their time to something serious… I would be thrilled. Until then, the horses & dog can keep this gal occupied. 

So for my friends or followers that are going through this… keep your head up. It’s tough right now but it won’t be forever. One day it’ll make sense. Everything happens for a reason 💕💕💕

On the bright side, I am moving into a more stable & happy house with one of my best best friends. I can not wait for this new adventure 🙂 

Until next time, 
Xoxo kayla 🖤 

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