I know, once again I have to say how long it’s been since I’ve wrote. But I finally feel like I can write again and I have some things I need to say.
I had this perfect picture in my head for 2018. & instead of it starting out happy & full of fun & laughter. It started with losing my sweet beautiful grandma to cancer & my horse of 15 years to an injury/age. It has not been a happy start. The start of this year has been down right depressing & sad. But with tragedy comes new growth right?
I watched this video the other day about how a weak forest burns & with that, it gives it a clean slate for new growth. So I kind of am using that as my metaphor for 2018.
It started out horrible. I felt like my world was ending. But with fire comes opportunity for new possibilities. So that’s what I did.
I promised myself that life was too short to do anything I truly did not want too. To short to fight for friendships & relationships that were not bringing more good into my life then bad. To damn short to have toxic people who don’t respect me be apart of my journey.
But I also promised myself to get out of safe zone again. To do things I never would have done. To go on that date. To buy that expensive concert ticket. To get that tattoo I’ve been wanting for a long time. To tell someone who really deserves it to f**k off! (Sorry grandpa if you’re reading)
This year WILL be a year of new opportunities. It WILL be my year to become & accomplish something I never thought I could.
My grandma hated when my blogs were sad or negative. Whether it pertained to me or not, she did not care. She did not like reading sad things. So I quit writing all together for the sole purpose of not wanting to make her sad. When in all honesty… I should have started looking at the brighter side of things. She loved reading what I wrote & I took that away because I had let the negative parts & people of my life take over. Not anymore. I vow to continue writing. Whether it’s sad happy mad or whatever you can imagine. I WILL continue to write. For not only my grandma, for my readers… & honestly for myself.
I have cried more the last 6 months then I have in my 23 years of life. Chest aching breathtaking sitting in a ball crying kinda cry. But as my grandma once told me. You have to grieve.
Here is a comment my Grandma left on my Blog “Moment if Weakness” :
Good morning granddaughter. You know that people were designed to cry. It’s the way we can relieve sadness. So glad you got to do that. When my Auntie Ruth died (Grandpa George’s sister), my dad put on a piece of music called “The Swan of Twanela (sp?)” by Sibelius. Twanella is the Norwegian lore underworld. It’s incredibly sad, but beautiful music. I asked my dad why he put on such very, very sad music. He said you have to let grief wash through you, take it into your body, not try to push it away. My dad was pretty wise.
Thank you for sharing. I love you tons.
Grandma, I think you are pretty dang wise♥️♥️
So here’s to 2018. The year it all burnt to the ground & flourished into a beautiful forest of life.
I will miss your comments grandma. I will miss your advice. I will miss that little headshake you’d give me when I complained about silly things. Because really, it could always be worse.
Tattoo, I will miss your smell. I miss having you to sit with when I’m having a bad day. I will miss having to bite your carrots & apples into smaller pieces because you didn’t have front teeth anymore haha. I will miss you, best friend.
Cherish what you have, whether it’s people or animals. Because one day, you’ll have those memories to hold onto & look back on.