Its been a month since my last entry. 34 days to be exact. Its crazy how much can change in 34 days.
In 34 days.. I got closure I never thought I would. I realized how broken I had been this last 12 months. Just to be broken over and over again with losses all year long. 34 days ago I finally felt free again. I finally felt like it all made sense. And thats such an amazing and clarifying feeling.
It is a weird discovery when you dont think anything is wrong.. and then realizing this last 12 months had been the hardest of your life. On the contrary… in that 12 months I got to rediscover myself. I got to get back to Kayla.. the one I was proud of. Saying goodbye to the Kayla who had bowed out of life, she was finally fading into the rear view mirror.
My eyes were open again for the first time in way too long. And man, did I love what I was seeing.
I got a killer offer at an amazing company. I finally took the leap of terrifying faith and quit my job and started this new chapter. I never thought it would happen… and just like that, it did. I caught the break I had been waiting for, for longer then I can even grasp.
Some other things happened that I am not quite ready to let the world know JUST yet.. But in time I promise I will share.
Yes, this could blow up in my face. Yes, I could hold back and guard myself.. but with this last 34 days….. I have learned so much about myself. Most of all, I have learned that I am not someone who half asses anything. I am not someone who plays it safe. I am either in something 100% or 0%.
I am taking this new chapter day by day. Smile by smile. Tear by tear.
This has been one hell of a ride so far.. but after everything I have been through… I deserve it all.
I am so happy with life.
I have been laughing until my stomach hurts. I have let some friendships go. I have made some new ones.
Its my turn. That sounds selfish… but I sure as hell deserve to be selfish.
I am for the first time in 12 months…
Simply & effortlessly, happy.